so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
