u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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