what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
