I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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