Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
