At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
