dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
