Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got her a Nickelback box set.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
