OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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