Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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