I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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