He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my poor anus
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
