So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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