Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
