Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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