yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
