and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
