ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
