is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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