I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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