last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
