WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
