We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
