I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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