Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
