Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
