Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
