sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
