My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
