shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
