Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
