You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
