okay pat passed out under dana's car
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize