just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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