Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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