Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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