At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
