Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize