I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm at about main and main street
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
