i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
