there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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