I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
