About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize