Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
