she woke up with a sticky ear
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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