dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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