She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
