Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
