we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
