i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
