i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i dont even know how to be here
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
