I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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