So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
