Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize