you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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