my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
