we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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