Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
