i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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