I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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