it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
