I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
