three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
