Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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