You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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