yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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