just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm always down for nudity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize