I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm like, not good at living.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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