what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
